During a night of debauchery, Dinkus promised a cute girl he’d never met that he would take her climbing the following day. His drink list, which included four Jäger bombs, six Budweisers, two shots of tequila, and an unknown volume of whiskey sodas (he spilled more than he drank), left him still over the legal limit the next morning. In an attempt to impress the girl, who may or may not have loaded his Grigri incorrectly, he saddled up for a 5.13b he had never attempted. However, he realized, “I just didn’t trust her! Being cute doesn’t qualify you to belay.” Dinkus onsighted the route despite having never sent above 5.12c before this attempt and promptly threw up on the anchors after clipping them.

Enlarge

Longest time spent on a boulder problem
Shawn Piquot, 32, Toronto, Canada

Piquot, who is in his second year of climbing, traveled south to Hueco Tanks, Texas, for a vacation from his job in accounting. It was his first bouldering trip outside. Piquot had seen photos of Melon Patch (V0) on his friend’s blog and demanded to climb the problem. After a few moves, he froze in place, unable to continue upward. He downclimbed nearly to the ground but refused to step off and retry, insisting that he had to flash the problem. In total, he spent 37 minutes and 58 seconds on his way to a successful flash of the iconic problem.

Enlarge

Best bolted route sent on gear
Sarah Holmquist, 19, Eldorado Springs, Colorado

Holmquist, opting for a traditionally protected repeat of From the Top Down (5.12b) at Shelf Road, a predominantly (read: completely) sport climbing area, said of her ascent, “That thing never should have had bolts. It was a travesty they were placed in the first place. It’s such an obvious line with great natural protection that I can’t believe some idiot thought to ruin the rock that way.” Holmquist used two pieces of protection on her send (a pink tricam below the first bolt and a #2 stopper three feet below the anchors) after using the bolts to ruthlessly toprope the route into submission.

Enlarge

Most graceful ground fall
Seth Trudy, 23, Grand Rapids, Michigan

While playing an intense game of Angry Birds on his iPhone, Trudy’s roommate/climbing partner let the rope slip as he belayed him on a cruxy deadpoint. Somehow, Trudy managed to push off the wall and land squarely on a dirt mound next to the cliff, left over from a recent trail-building project. Standing up, Trudy slapped his mouth-breathing partner and spent the next week telling all his friends about his “fully epic dismount.”

NAME
ADDRESS 1
ADDRESS 2
CITY
STATE & ZIP
EMAIL (req)

NAME
ADDRESS
ADDRESS 2
CITY
STATE & ZIP
EMAIL (req)