FINISH HOLD - #31 - LOVE, PAIN, AND CLIMBING

Last summer, I broke the first metacarpal in my right hand, chipping the ball clean off in a fall. A few months later, I saw an orthopedic surgeon. A two-hour surgery left me with three pins, an artificial tendon, a gigantic cast, and bottle of painkillers . . . and something else — fear. Fear of not climbing, and of not achieving my goals.

My doctor said, “Your hand might not work quite as well as before. And there’s a minuscule chance that the artificial tendon might tear.” In short, climbing could undo everything I’d gone through to fix my hand.

Four long months later, I hit the gym, the scar from my surgery a menacing, deep-purple color. The pin holes were only partially grown over. I finished what should have been a warm up, sweating. My partner — a close friend, but one not passionate about climbing — stopped me.

“You’re sweating. You’re in pain. What’s the point?” she said. “Let’s go home. You can take a Percocet and watch a movie — this clearly isn’t working in your favor.”

“You don’t get it,” I said between clenched teeth, clutching my hand. “Climbing is about finding out who you really are. It’s about pushing yourself in every way. When your body gives out, that’s when you find out what’s in you. It’s chasing love — of what you do, who you are, and what you aspire to be. You might not think of me as spiritual, but this definitely is. This is my thing; it’s my life.”

I left six hours later, pumped, hand throbbing like it had the night I broke it…and with a foolish grin on my chalk-covered face.

For his tale of suffering in the name of climbing, Derrick gets a 5 What?! T-shirt from Klime Clothing (klimeonline.com). This 100-percent combed, ring-spun cotton tee fits like a dream and comes pre-chalked with a handprint. Get the last word in UC and win free gear — send Finish Hold submissions (350 words max; pics or artwork welcome) to finishhold@urbanclimbermag.com.