The epic climbing tale can make for a palm-sweating good read, but it can also bore you to tears. From the barstool to the 500-page nonfiction coffee table coaster, climbers spin their tales in a hundred different ways, and some do it way better than others. Nowadays, everyone who’s ever taken a climbing trip of any kind wants to share the experience in all of its excruciating detail with like-minded travelers. But to prevent you from becoming the subject of whispered jests and fun-poking Facebook messages, here are some guidelines for the would-be trip reporter to ponder.

1. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. Be honest with yourself: Who’s really going to read your climbing story? Just your mother? Write her an email and spare us.

Are you a sport climber who’s headed to the Red River Gorge for two weeks? Keep things concise and post many photos. Use words like: dude, sick, slugger (slopey jug), slimper (slopey crimp), fitness, gaston, and knee pad. Better yet, skip the climbing talk and tell us the wild drinking stories and other drama that occurred on the trip.

Are you the budding alpinist going on your first trip to Peru? Describe the trip in a little more detail, but spare us the minutia of how you cut the tags out of your clothes and chopped your toothbrush in half; just say “light and fast”—we get it. Recounting an epic is exciting. Recounting an epic that doesn’t sound epic is decidedly not.

> Emulate this: sonnietrotter.com by Sonnie Trotter. The man weaves stories from the personal to the ethical to the area he just visited in a way that isn’t overwrought with boring info.

2. NO PLAY-BY-PLAY. So you sent your bouldering project in Bishop. Great! Please, spare us the chapter-and-verse beta spraydown of every crystal that propelled you to the top. Relaying to your audience that so-and-so problem was difficult for you and it took you a few days is enough. It’s exciting for you to relive your superhuman climbing feats, but try to meld your excitement to the reality of your accomplishment. Translation: your abilities are less interesting to others than info about where you went.

> Emulate this: emilyaharrington.wordpress.com by Emily Harrington. This blog never seems totally about her. You’ll get the occasional send here and there, but it’s largely a description of her travels and the great places she gets to visit.

3. PICTURES. I know you’ve fashioned yourself as a climbing version of Kerouac, but let’s face it: you’re not. The trick to making a trip report really awesome is pictures. Take lots of them. Invest in a good camera. I think most of us out there ingesting your report on Euro limestone would rather see a picture of the street pizza/sheep crossing the road/discotheque/gratuitous old man in a little sailor cap/cliffs full of sport climbing than read your ultra-descriptive account of such occurrences.

> Emulate this: joekindkid.com by Joe Kinder or coletteloc.com by Colette McInerney. Joe and Colette keep it simple. A short write-up about what they’re doing and a massive photo dump, with the occasional description in between.

4. HAVE A SLICE OF HUMBLE PIE. If you start every sentence of your trip report with “I,” then you might want to scale back the chest-beating session a bit. Don’t fret, however; there are plenty of sneaky ways for you to interject your totally awesome sends and let all who read your posts know about your climbing prowess. Creative narcissists make for the best reading.

> Emulate this: bookofsamuel.com by Sam Elias. Sam is one of those rare birds that can write a whole post about a trip and never mention a send. You really get a feeling for what it’s like to be in Montana or Russia or Spain or wherever. The actual sending is there, but it feels less urgent than the experience.

5. BE THE INSPIRATION. Leave your readers feeling like they have some insider info on the area. List the top 10 routes you did and where you can get the cheapest/best beer/ food. Explain why campground X is better than campground Y. Set your followers up for success, should they happen to read your report and be so inspired that they actually hop in their car and follow in your footsteps.

> Emulate this: yournewblog.com by You. Not too many people are doing this well. Not that I know of, at least, and really someone should, because for sure I’d read that. Adam Peters writes for UC when he’s not updating either of his cobweb-collecting blogs, pimpinandcrimpin.com or vikingvoyaging.wordpress.com.