The Rules #48 - Stretching a Dollar

Many people see road trips as the budget option for vacationing, but with gas prices hovering around $4 in some parts of the country, you’d have to be Charlie Sheen to still consider this the cheap way to travel. Nevertheless, road trips are a rite of passage for all climbers, especially when it comes time for summer heat waves and 15 hours of sunlight. Having filed taxes in five states one year, I can safely say I’ve earned my road warrior badge, and here I’ll share a few hard-earned lessons from the highway. But first, the backstory.

That year, I was on an extended road trip in the Pacific Northwest and California. “Extended” turned into overextended, which turned into over-hyper-extended, which turned into, “Damnit, Julie, this has to stop sometime!” I had saved for a few months prior to embarking, but my fellow road tripper had not—he also neglected to tell me when he ran out of money about two weeks in. Apparently, every time he swiped his card, he was falling further into debt. I was blissfully unaware. Had I known, I would have freaked out—I’m a saver and have never had a credit card in my life—and I’d have sent him packing with a one-way train ticket home. But I had no idea, so the trip went on.

We took the necessary precautions: budgeted for gas, drove a reasonable speed, split the cost of everything, stayed with friends along the way, bought groceries instead of eating out. Splurging from time to time was a given, and we enjoyed a few good meals in foodie-heavens like Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco, but I never broke the bank with purchases. Meanwhile, my partner had already utterly destroyed the bank beyond recognition, so his story is a different one (although I’m not quite sure he ever really learned a lesson). Either way, the road trip eventually ended when he finally admitted to me (and to himself) that he was utterly broke and in major debt, and he boarded a train to crash on a friend’s couch in Denver. I was only barely in the black myself, so I stopped in southern Utah and got the first job I could find until I saved enough to move on. Moral of the story: be smart with your money so you don’t end up like me, desperately broke on a friend’s couch in Cedar City, Utah—and here’s the kicker—slinging shitty food at Applebee’s.

12 Rules for the Road

1. Ask for a credit check, bank statement, or recent paystub from a potential co–road tripper before embarking. Or at least make him/her always pay cash.

2. If Applebee’s is the only place you can find employment in the town you end up in, then move.

3. A cup of Ramen is literally 10 cents. Ten cents, people.

4. Choose wisely: a PBR tallboy and a gallon of gas cost roughly the same.

5. Slow down. The U.S. Department of Energy (fueleconomy.gov) says that every 5mph over 60mph is like adding 20 cents to each gallon of gas.

6. Once you cross the state line into California, gas prices will be at least 50 cents higher.

7. Your long-lost cousin’s couch will be offered up again the next year if you do the dishes or mow the lawn.

8. Never, ever pay to shower. Swimming is usually free, and showers are overrated anyway.

9. Invest in a copy of The Encyclopedia of Edible Plants of North America.

10. Start practicing making yourself cry for that inevitable call home to borrow money from Mommy and Daddy.

11. Be prepared to have no shame: digging through dumpsters, sleeping in your car, asking for leftovers from passersby.

12. Travel with a rich friend.