The Rule #45 - Climbing in Mexico

For some reason unbeknown to me, I was invited to join Petzl America’s climbing team in central Mexico from October 29 to November 6 for the 13th RocTrip. I spent my days hanging out with some of the world’s strongest climbers at the massive limestone cave of El Chonta and on Jilotepec’s volcanic, cobbled, and very technical sport routes. Through the course of the trip, I had the privilege of seeing some very impressive sends and a myriad of strange Mexican experiences. Since this was my inaugural international trip solely for climbing, I decided to make a list of rules for traveling to our southern neighbors’ native lands.

DRINK BOTTLED WATER. No matter how much McDonald’s you eat for “training,” it won’t prevent the inevitable stomach funk that results in what can only be called “butt pee.”

LEARN SOME SPANISH. Here are a few important phrases:

• ¿Dónde está el baño?—Where is the bathroom?
• ¿Qué es el grado de esta vía?—What is the grade of this route?
• Señor traficante, no me secuestra, por favor. Vine aquí sólo para escalar.—Please don’t kidnap me, Mr. Drug Dealer; I only came here to climb.

DON’T GET ARRESTED. This didn’t happen, but as we stared at the police officers who stood around mean-mugging with automatic weapons in their hands, I realized I could think of few things worse than defending myself to a man who neither spoke English nor cared to understand what I would try to say, in a land with laws I don’t understand. Just sayin’.

IF YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN BUYING SILVER FROM THE STORE, DON’T DRINK THE MESCAL THEY GIVE YOU. I only had a glass, and now I have a bunch of silver jewelry I’ll probably never wear.

CELEBRATE DAY OF THE DEAD. It’s way cooler than Halloween. They respect their dearly departed, and there are fewer slutty (fill-in-the-blanks) running around ruining your appetite.

WHEN IN HUGE LIMESTONE CAVES, WEAR YOUR HELMET AND WATCH OUT. This one is as serious as an Alex Honnold free solo. I watched a team of experienced climbers knock human-sized stalactites onto the talus below, which, thankfully, was not occupied by human-sized people at that moment. It’s terrifying to see rocks fall from that high.

IF A LADY AT THE CRAG OFFERS YOU FRESHLY MADE TACOS WITH A MEAT CALLED DISCO, BUY THEM. I know there were at least three different kinds of meat in the cooked concoction, but I was unconcerned what they were because that taco tasted so good I had to go back for seconds, and at 15 pesos each (less than $1.50), I couldn’t help but have my fill.

TAKE CARE OF BUG BITES. Lest they become swollen, ultra-infected ankles that cause actual pain when you walk around, making you concerned about a possible amputation in a Mexican hospital.

DON’T LOSE YOUR PASSPORT DURING DAVE GRAHAM’S SLIDESHOW PRESENTATION. Should go without saying. Without this thing, you don’t get to come home.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Mexico is its own place, and it’s not like America. Expect problems, delays, hitches, bummers, and the rest. Things always work out in the end, and it’s never that bad so long as you’re still climbing.

For more info on the Roc Trip visit petzl.com/us/outdoor/news