The climbing gym of yore was a cinderblock traverse with rocks bolted on as primitive artificial holds. During these simple times, the proto-climber honed his/herself in the absence of high-carbon rubber, the Black Eyed Peas, or bar-form food products. But modern gyms have morphed into something that is equal parts night club, meat market, and Olympic training facility, forcing today’s climber to grapple with a complex gym culture, riddled with pitfalls waiting to snare the unwary.

For both the uninitiated as well as elders of our tribe, questions may loom: How should the modern climber engage in spraying, if at all? Should gratuitous grunting be tolerated? How does one go about attracting like-minded mates? To help you better understand the mores of this all but unnavigable world, we’ve outlined below some rules of etiquette for major areas of gym life. For your sake and ours, take note.

SENDING: At some point in nearly every climber’s career, you will send hard. But just as you learned when you played AYSO soccer, there are good ways and bad ways to be a winner. Lest the greatness of success blind you to social convention, these simple rules apply.

DO send. In the climbing community, sending is generally always smiled upon and is believed to confer salvation in the afterlife. Go forth and send.

DON’T send in another climber’s face. If a fellow climber has been repeatedly thwarted by a route or boulder problem, it’s considered good form to wait a bit before effortlessly cruising the route. The more humiliating the failed attempts, the longer the corresponding wait period. Use good judgment. Braggadocio is always unbecoming and violates the best practices of “Dating” and “Spraying.”

DO: Grab the finishing jug then look down to spot a clear drop zone.

DON’T: Grab the finishing jug then look a weaker climber in the face after you walk up his project.

SPRAYING: We climbers feed on beta; it grants us transcendence in a galaxy mercilessly ruled by gravity. The most minuscule tidbits can mean the difference between a mat-bound ass and the everlasting glory of “Sending” (see above). But while the free exchange of ideas can build camaraderie and lead to greater understanding, it is not always welcome. Polite company must understand these rules of engagement.

DO politely offer beta, but always allow the receiving party to demur. This is a tasteful and generous course of action—you wouldn’t want to blow someone’s onsight or rob him of the beta-discovery process. Usually, when people want beta, they’ll ask for it.

DON’T launch into an an unsolicited deluge of information, a tidal wave of “helpful” words. Tacky, tacky, tacky. Serious offenses will hinder your chances of successful courting (see “Dating”). In short, to be asked for beta is an honor, to spray is indecent.

BRUSHING: You meticulously brush the holds of a problem you’re working. You hang in a strenuous position from an adjacent problem performing the precise amount of strokes needed to clean each imperceptible divot only to set down your brush and… Watch some inconsiderate nincompoop smudge his way through your problem. Never hop on a pristine problem unless you are the person who has just done the brushing.

DO use this inert white powder to increase the coefficient of skin-on-plastic friction.

DON’T chalk up someone’s freshly brushed boulder problem.

GRUNTING: We as a tribe view ourselves as more highly evolved than other gym-going life forms who routinely growl and bellow under the weight of loaded barbells like rutting water buffalo. But the tortured groans of boulderers still pierce the air of some rock gyms like those on the court at a Wimbledon semi-final.

DO take pity on the badly afflicted. Regrettably, this auditory discharge is a naturally occurring, unpreventable part of the climbing process. It is a necessary evil and must be tolerated as such.

DON’T imagine that grunting is a way to attract the romantic attention of potential mates (see “Dating”).

DATING: Apart from sending, this is virtually the only reason to climb, and is the primary force that has shaped the modern gym as we know it.

DO wait your turn. As with sending, if a fellow climber has been repeatedly thwarted in his/her attempts, it is considered good practice to wait a bit before dating another climber. Again, the more humiliating the failed attempts, the longer the corresponding wait period. Use good judgment.

DON’T let dating jeopardize your access to the local gym. Dating and sending must always be carefully managed so as not to interfere with one another. Use good judgment.

Note: Empirical evidence is inconclusive on whether, and how, sending affects dating. But dating almost always affects sending.